Age/Gender: 23, Male
Location: California
Job: Not Quiznos
Newgrounds Stats
Whistle Status: Bronze
Exp. Points: 5,630 / 5,880
Exp. Rank #: 3,442
Voting Pow.: 6.48 votes
BBS Posts: 69 (0.04 per day)
Flash Reviews: 15
Music Reviews: 0
Trophies: 5
Stickers: 0
All Flash Reviews
15 Reviews | 7 w/ Responses
"I can judge a story from a single installment..."
...and I will. If a story is good, it shouldn't matter where you start. There are quite a few books that I had started reading beginning to finish because I started in the middle of the book and got hooked. You also cannot control your critics, nor should you attempt to. Stop making excuses and don't tell them how to critique your work.
Now for my critique. In all, this was about as interesting as a history textbook. The art is bland and cluttered, the character designs are unimaginative (learn to draw more hairstyles than Cousin-It-in-a-wind-tunnel), the pacing and timing is all off, and the dialogue and story are cliche and not really well-written. Writers are told to "show, not tell." This is all the more important in a visual medium such as film and animation. If a character has emotions, show it through their actions, their posture, their facial expressions, don't just have them announce it through dialogue. Dialogue - that's what all this was, wasn't it? You had a script of what everyone was going to say, but how much did you put into setting, and characters interacting in that setting? How much was put into what the characters were thinking, but didn't say? Their interactions in the environment you wrote them in?
And since this is the internet, I would like to stress that the tone of this review is not in an angry, hateful, or sarcastic tone.
Author's Response:
You're entitled to your opinion. I don't ever compare my actual novel writing to any of my writing for the flash as I limit everything on the flash do to me still getting accustomed to it. Yes, I agree with you on the emotions and the interaction. I intend to go that extra mile with the next one. You can think it's cliche if you want, it doesn't matter to me. Not everyone is into this type of story and that's fine. I don't mind people critiquing as long as it's thought out and meaningful rather than "hey, this isn't good". So, no, I didn't find this as sarcastic or hateful.
I do this for fun and I don't expect everyone to like it. But I wanted to animate something relatively based on my novels. So, for having no training, and just jumping into this, I am content with how this one came out regardless of what people said. Considering with how the first episode came out, I am more than happy with the constant improvement. So needless to say I will apply everything you mentioned in terms of emotion with the next one.
Personally, I wait til the story is finished to judge one, because you can't possibly know what is going on, where it is going and what underlying symbolism is there from reading or watching one segment.
Either way I thank you for taking the time to write a review, and I wish you luck with your animations and the career you're pursuing.
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Saying that this was too much like "Wall-E" is like saying that frozen yogurt is too much like ice cream.
Author's Response:
Mmmmm... Ice cream....
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'Twas a bit chubby as a lad,
and thus he was teased quite bad,
they had called him 'Khale the Whale.'
Silliness aside, that was very good, graphically. It was lacking a story, though I assume that will be covered in the next episodes. I'll be looking forward to seeing how this develops.
Author's Response:
Hahaha, I like that. Thanks man.
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Yeah, it doesn't have alot in the story department. That doesn't stop it from being the best animated peice on Newgrounds.
Ha! I got reviwe #1000!
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Nice toon, Ranoka! Can't wait for the next one. :)
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Very good work, I hope to see the next installments of your world if Viridarium. :)
It could have used more sound, though. It just seemed oddly quiet during the whole trip on the leaf (some kind of scraping noise would have worked perfectly), and some ambient forest-life sounds would have fit in at the beginning. There also could have been a nic e, big SPLAT! at the end when he hit the mud face first.
Author's Response:
yah I know, there was a part where he flew into the mud and slid, but it was cut due to me wanting the music to fit more for the "dun dun" part after the joke. Anyway, I’ll keep in mind the scraping noise, I tried some forest noises but it took away form the music. Thanks for the Advice, and Thanks for the comments.
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It was fun, but a little short. I also kind of expected the ball's velocity to be affected by how close you clicked to it.
My score was 14,320.
Author's Response:
Thanks. I can get 18,000. Submit your score.
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Me disculpo, yo no hablo mucho español.
Es muy bueno! Yo pongo en mi favoritas!
I hope to see more animations from you!
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This is an interesting little game you've got going on here. It definatly looks like an NES game, and plays just about like one, too. In fact, the concept of the game is just about crazy enough to be from Nintendo! (Jet Pack Ninja! Go!! :D)
The controls are a little confusing, and the Pause function and Spikeball Mode should be programmed to toggle on a single button instead of two differet ones. This can be done by setting true and false to variables like "pauseOn" within the onKeyPress scripts and using "if" statements to see if the variable is set to true or false.
The graphics leavealot to be desired, though. You're probably going for an 8-bit style, but it could look so much better in a 16-bit SNES or SEGA Genesis style.
In all, I hope to see the final verison of this!
Author's Response:
Thank you! ^^ hehehehe I changed graphics around temporarily to use Sprites for Zero from Megaman, fixed the spikeball mode onto one button and made pause menu be a button activated on screen- ^^; hehehehe i was having trouble using the mode you suggested- ive been working on it for awhile.. i had to put in a timer between or it would just transform a bunch of time when you tap the button.. ^^; any other suggestions? :)
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Looks cool, TFC! Good luck with the competition. :)
It'll be interesting to see where you take your talents in animation.
BTW, I've never seen a fighting game where you can drink virtual soda!
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